clearly where I stand
so over this weekend, I have thought about so much and right now wish I was anywhere but here. I know the husband has done this but seriously there is no where for me to go, kinda makes me the perfect wife I guess. he got me to stay home with the kids years ago and here I am looking for a job only no one wants to hire some one out fo work for a few years, not even waitressing. So I don't make my own money, convient.
I don't have a dad(well I had sperm at one time)but not a dad in life. So can't go there, and well mom is a mess and probably homeless right now, so no going there either. He knows I am stuck and not going anywhere so he just does what he wants and know he has his mother figure and kids right here at home.
Anyway, aside from that I really got put in my place in a couple of conversations with the husband over the phone. I wouldn't normally share this because it is embarrasing on a bunch of levels, but feel I can still get it out, not knowing anyone face to face here.
So one time I was on a rant and I said something about if nothing else he needs to respect my wishes. I do not choose to cheat and sleep around, only it is like I am when he does and then comes home to my bed. I shared my concerns of STD. His EXACT words to me were "well there you go thinking about yourself". OH MY GOD!! i couldn't believe it, oh wait a minute yes I could. He thinks I am thinking of myself when it comes to STD, excuse me for being selfish, it is one thing if I want to put myself at risk and have all kinds of unsafe sex, but I shouldn't NOT know if my husband thinks it is okay for me, I don't like it.
The other one was in a moment of pure weakness, I was saying how I needed him to be here, with the kids, for me, I needed to lay around and watch movies, I needed to be able to talk to him, I needed him to call me in the night, I needed this and that. Stupid I know, I wasn't so much begging(I didn't mean to be) just trying to be truthful as if I would get some truth in return. So in return I got no out poor of love, or flowers sent. I got, "are ya gonna make popcorn?" so that is where I thought he can't even cheat right. He wants to be single but wants to have the married life and thinks this is all a big game, well he should at least make an effort to play it up.
So if it was as easy as packing up the kids and driving away I would, but I need time to get money and a place lined up. this just simply sucks!!
I don't have a dad(well I had sperm at one time)but not a dad in life. So can't go there, and well mom is a mess and probably homeless right now, so no going there either. He knows I am stuck and not going anywhere so he just does what he wants and know he has his mother figure and kids right here at home.
Anyway, aside from that I really got put in my place in a couple of conversations with the husband over the phone. I wouldn't normally share this because it is embarrasing on a bunch of levels, but feel I can still get it out, not knowing anyone face to face here.
So one time I was on a rant and I said something about if nothing else he needs to respect my wishes. I do not choose to cheat and sleep around, only it is like I am when he does and then comes home to my bed. I shared my concerns of STD. His EXACT words to me were "well there you go thinking about yourself". OH MY GOD!! i couldn't believe it, oh wait a minute yes I could. He thinks I am thinking of myself when it comes to STD, excuse me for being selfish, it is one thing if I want to put myself at risk and have all kinds of unsafe sex, but I shouldn't NOT know if my husband thinks it is okay for me, I don't like it.
The other one was in a moment of pure weakness, I was saying how I needed him to be here, with the kids, for me, I needed to lay around and watch movies, I needed to be able to talk to him, I needed him to call me in the night, I needed this and that. Stupid I know, I wasn't so much begging(I didn't mean to be) just trying to be truthful as if I would get some truth in return. So in return I got no out poor of love, or flowers sent. I got, "are ya gonna make popcorn?" so that is where I thought he can't even cheat right. He wants to be single but wants to have the married life and thinks this is all a big game, well he should at least make an effort to play it up.
So if it was as easy as packing up the kids and driving away I would, but I need time to get money and a place lined up. this just simply sucks!!
posted by Broken at 7:17 AM
1 Comments:
As I told you earlier, you can't cope with all his b/s on your own. So since you can't get any help from your parents, then your only options are to go to get help from either some clergy (even if you are not a member of some church, they can at least send you to some support service that won't charge you to help you out). Either that or look in your phone book for the numbers of various government support groups who can advise you on ways to protect yourself from spousal abuse. That's what it. You're not the first woman to suffer from it and so you need to take action, not give up mentally. You DO have options but you need to be brave.
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