I really need to learn to control myself

I try to just tredge on day to day, get by with out the sex or love from the husband and just do for my kids each day. But every once in a while I get my anger so pent up I end up blurting some shit out about his affairs.

I did this last night and I never feel any better after, he just turns in full circle and I am back to how I felt. I will never admit to anything, but still I feel this need to give him an out as if he will tell me everything, HA! So he is leaving town and far as I can tell, has a date set up with some girl he met last time he was in the town he is going to. They got all drunk and god knows what together. So last night he was home and there was awkwardness and I blurted shit out about me knowing things, and asking who one girl was.

There was a bit of stumble and then a quick, almost good excuse she calls all hours of the night. Whatever. So I do the blurting because I bubble over, but I do learn to watch what I say. Because I know, from the past, that if I express things I know he figures out how I found them out and will just be that more carefull and I am more interested in nailing his ass one of these days. So I explode like a volcano but keep a lot of lava still close to me.

Anyway, on to better things, he is gone a couples days which just means the kids and I can breath a little easier and enjoy ourselves.