have I mentioned...

that is you are uncomfortable with vulger language this is not the place for you, LOL. It seems when I get going I will cuss til my hearts content and not feel bad about it. So leave now if that offends you.

I am to the point that I ALMOST don't care

but don't fucking lie to me alright. Can't we be beyond that by now.

So it seems the husband has a couple new regulars. One I found out about and then in my sick and twisted process to find out more I found the other one, what a treat ;o)

Anyway, it seems the other night while suppose to be at work, he was at the strip club for god knows how long. Normally not a big deal. Hell, please take me with you, or normally let me reap the benefits when you leave. But now. The husband says nothing about it. "How was work?" I ask and he continues to complain about how much it sucked or whatever, just another boring night(yeah right). Later he asks me to go get him something, take the money from his wallet. I unfold the money to use and there is a strip club coupon in there(what ever that is all about, what strip club has coupons, pay for one STD, get one free?). So when I get home I round about ask him what he really did last night, give him to say something, as if he would.

I told him I am guessing you went to the strip club. He, in true cheater fashion, proceeds to get defensive and angry for me. Hey asshole, don't get shitty with me, the least you can do at this point, is stop the fucking lies about watching some titties.

How I happend upon first affair....

It was recently asked in my only comment so far(thanks rob) so I will go into it a little bit. How I found out about frist affair.

Well, I think I had deep suspisions when the husband was spending every weekend at his buddies house, mind you we just had a new baby(less than 3 months old). Of course and I grew to be exhausted caring for a newborn all by myself, no sleep, always feeding, the husband going out. I got more curious, he would just be matter-of-fact leaving on Friday like clockwork. Well, they there would be overnights there(because he didn't want to drive home drunk, whatever).

Anyway after a short while this young dumb girl(who knew all about me mind you) was falling in love so she would send him emails. I couldn't get into his email account(yet) but he was stupid enough to save her precious email of everything she thought, with some great details of there nights together. It was on AOL. I had found a file in the computer that would show me everything saved on AOL. So there it was.

I of course was pissed and so much more at the time. I confronted as soon as he got home(from one of these over nights it just so happened). It was immediately played off nothing. He says there was a drunken kiss one night but that was it. In the email there was mention of the buddy and his wife setting up a room with a bed for them(of course, he had no idea what that was all about) nor did he know what the "freakin'" commments were about, what ever.

There is so much more but there ya go, that is how I first found out. Later this same girl would contact me, first on the computer at my website. Then she was emailing me and calling me. It was a long time they were together but finally she felt scorned and was spilling it all to me.

In later affairs, it has always been the beauty of technology. Mostly the computer, but the phone bills too. those paper trails don't lie. I ended up with a typing program for a while in the computer that could read everything he typed, including passwords so I had access to all those accounts. It was a lot of effort and I am not sure what really I was hoping to get out of it.

He is still a lying bastard, who thinks he is so slick and I his wife is as dumb as the young girls he tries to fuck.

so lets see

is he really working the weekend, or going to her parent's place to see her. She lives there, how special. Anyway, it wasn't until after he had talked to her he let me know he was working OT, so does that mean he legitamitlly is working and forgot to mention, or they worked something out and he will be there?

It seems to be his thing, he has said he is going in early and then met someone at the bar, I have seen him tell another that he can just say he is working over and come see her. I have defientely seen him say he is working an extra day only to never be paid for it, imagine that.

Can hardly wait to get out of the house...

generally that is a rule the husband has, the second he is out of the house he is on his phone with the slut of the moment. Doesn't matter if he is running out for milk, taking a kid out for a few hours or of course on his way into work. So sure enough today he is gone, like 30 seconds, I doubt he was out of the driveway and he is calling M, one of I think 2 that he may have at the moment.

It truely makes me sick, literally.

And the worst part is, i don't think I care that he is cheating, I care that he just lies about it, and hides it. Why not just leave us and do what the fuck you wanna do??

New Blog

so I created this blog and maybe one day will have the guts to share it with those I know. I don't know if anyone will ever even find this, but if you do feel free to comment on anything.

I think I need this to be more open and honest about the shit that plaques me. Somedays it is really bad and I wonder what the hell I am thinking, sticking around. Other days it is really good and I can't imagine any of it is true.

So, this is for me to post as I am feeling. I know that I am stupid for sticking around and I make a lot of excuses I will do that. But I find myself not ready to go anywhere, I don't share ANY of this with family or friends and I just need a place to let it out, of course in hopes that the husband doesn't figure it out and blow a nut