Should I just take the money.

we don't keep a lot at all in our bank account. I should say he doesn't he spends worse than a girl. But fuck I am just a god damn joke to him and it pisses me off. Since his fucking trist a few weeks ago I have been nothing but nice. He of course still doesn't admit he was even there, or really fucking care that I am pissed. I am sure he is just planning the next time they can be together.

Anyway Should I just buck up, since he won't leave and what little money he has in a joint account and leave? Just so freaking worried, when I leave it has to be good, right and forever. No risk of losing the kids. He will be pissed, I know and don't care at this point. Just wonder if it is enough.

Also if I just hang in there and continue trying to save my money. I think he is trying to plan a trip in September. And if not then he will be going to a tournament in her area I am sure. he won't not go, per my request. SO if he goes to either I very much need to not be here when he gets his ass home.

Am I allowed??

Am I allowed to be sad and hurt and mad and say something to him?

Am I allowed to want to talk to him about anything when I come up and get mad because he won't be bothered to answer his phone.

I can see we are soo over, LOL sorry can't get Rachel and Ross out of my head although this is NOT nearly that funny. But can't he just stop lying.

I don't have anyone to talk to and in a normal day he would be bitching that I don't talk to him and I need to make more of an effort. But I have tried to call him all day and he couldn't bother to call not even the kids this afternoon. I know he is spending a last night with her, for now and I am sure that is why. But fuck. I called several times the least he could do was call back and leave me a message. So I called and called and he wouldn't answer. So I called her. I wasn't mean even though I wanted to be. I basically just said I know you are spending your last night together or whatever but do you think you can have my husband call me? And then I tried him one last time to leave a message there and what do you know he picked up.

Of course said he was out with everyone, but failed to mention her name. So I ask of so you get the room all to yourself tonight and he gets pissed at me and hung up.

It just isn't fair. I am not even allowed to be sad or mad or tell him that I know and really don't care at this point. But I know shit is hitting the fan when he gets home. It just sucks!! that is all I can always say.

I know where I stand and it find it so hard to just shut my mouth and let it be because he lies and wants me to be all happy and shit. Can't he at least come clean. That cellphone never leaves his side at home, of course becuase that is his link. But when we are out as a family he finds a way to leave and call or text her and he can't find 5 minutes to call and talk to me like anyone other than the nanny. And I think what pisses me off more is he is so consumed after a week with her he didn't even call the kids tonight before they were off to bed. And he usually does AT LEAST that.